I am a slave to perpetual motion
I am a substance that he craves
Touching feet to pavement before my time
I only thought in suspension
I wanted to believe in the bane of the moon
And I still can’t remember my name.

Let’s type in stream of conciousness, I’m really freaked out that Thomas said he wore a tie for me the other day, I guess my game of flirtation went too far, Nick’s pretty much better than any guy I can think of right now, he’s so nice it’s sickening in the best way possible. I get really tired of people hitting on me, especially when they try to be nonchalant about it but it’s really obvious, I was really disgusted the other day when this guy came by my cubicle and called me “Red” I felt like he just sits across the room staring at me thinking about my red hair, I wish I could have different hair right now I wish I could push a button and it would grow to the length I want, I look like a yuppie today, I drink my coffee and look like a tool and work just like everybody else. Without having headphones on, and listening to music, I’m sitting here being jittery, I can’t seem to sit still or focus on one thing, I blame it mostly on caffeine but I was a little sleepy today, I needed the wakeup, I’ve been dreaming again it stopped for a while and it was strange not to remember my dreams as I usually do, but it’s always back to the museum, back to the dreamtime. I’ve felt bad that I’ve wanted to sleep alone lately, but I’ve just been acting weird and I don’t want it to affect other people, I need to stop worrying because I always worry, I need to stop caring because I always care too much, perhaps I should just gain some self control, but I do enjoy the wild, I miss Eric and Caroline I can’t stop thinking about how much I want my friends to get along, I miss David and I don’t want to fight with him, I don’t want to fight with anyone, but if I let my guard down and let people walk all over me nothing gets accomplished, I’m really tired of being a pushover, I can’t not stick up for myself, everything is so interrelated, I just got an order for someone in Carmel, I can’t stop thinking about how much of my soul was sucked out of me from living there, today at work my agent name in chat is Christina,

Christina: Hello. How may I help you today?
Derrick Walls: XXX-XXX-XXXX
Derrick Walls: the customer is calling fact act now, i need the order called to esc.
Christina: Ok, why are they calling Fact Act? If I call in now without the customer having been done with Fact Act, they won't be able to do anything for me
Derrick Walls: this is what i was told to do by my manager
Derrick Walls: they are calling them now
Christina: Ok, and are you still on the line with the customer? Like, are they calling Fact Act on the other line?
Derrick Walls: no, they did not have a second phone, i played terms and conditions, and told them to call the number, I just want to make sure I get credit for the deal
Christina: All right, one second please
Derrick Walls: thanks
Christina: Well, the process for going about this is that the customer is supposed to call back and get another agent. If you feel like this needs to be in your name, then you'll have to talk to Dish. There's nothing we can do on this end
Derrick Walls: I have been told that the process is different, I will get with my manager and directot and find out the process. I do appericate your help. I understand that you are told this is the process. I just want to verify. Thanks, Have a great day.
Derrick Walls: director*
Christina: No problem, you have a great day, too. Good luck!

“You know, that shit is so funny”- random chick leaving office, I’m desperate for headphones, and desperate to write out my thoughts, I forgot to borrow Maddie’s, not her thoughts just the headphones, the guy that delivered Jimmy John’s to me the other day is a member of the Hardcore board, I keep running into these dudes in random places, I feel really stupid for crying about Wait til Wednesday at Failure Fest but it really did hurt to break up, not because of anything having to do with Wait til Wednesday in particular, but I had never been in a band that had done anything before, I was thrilled to rekindle my love of music with this band, I was so jaded and angry about a million different things that I forgot what really mattered in life, I just feel like Peter helped me realize that everything’s going to be ok, no matter what anyone says to me things are going to be ok, I wish Ben was at work today I really enjoy talking to him, I want to invite people over this Sunday for a cookout, please let me do it Jayess, it’s not so bad to have people over, and I really don’t think some dorks from my work are going to steal from you, I feel bad about what Josh did to Jayess, and I feel bad that it makes him paranoid now, Andy Jacobs is never going to hang out with me, he always says he’s going to and then he backs out, I wish he would just admit that it’s awkward and move on with his life, I’ll be civil with him and catch up every once in a while, but god we’ve always been different people with different priorities and he knows nothing of who I’ve become. I’ll be out of debt completely within the next few weeks, I can’t wait till my only priorities are rent and a car payment in July, I’m ready to be like Maddie, I envy her ability to live comfortably and have her shit together, I envy people that don’t have trouble with organization the way I do, sometimes I feel like Vern, like I can’t even relate to people and that I have to thrash everything out or else it won’t seem real, I guess I just have trouble discerning reality, but perhaps reality is subjective?

Slow and steady wins the race, but I hate competition. I think I’ll just keep going, even if turtles aren’t always postive in the Goof world. It’s not the turtles fault they don’t have opposable thumbs. And I don’t want some trophy I’m going to end up propping open a door with anyway, I’d rather make my own trophy and appreciate whatever colors I decide to make it, because I never liked gold, anyway.